Fuck you bitches, I'm not your dog.

If you think you can control me by screaming and hurling vulgarities in different languages, you are fking wrong.
I dont grow up in the kampung and i'm born with a natural smart brain that learns from my surrounding and grow with them.
At the age of 4, i learnt how to scold people to eat shit in cantonese.
At the age of 9, i learnt how to scold people with cheebye, knn, lj all these.
Who taught me?
You, your malaysia's family and your son.
Why am i not surprised.
You, the mother, is the one who scold me not to cock jiao wei when i'm silently helping you to set table for dinner.
Harp on it? No, i dont.
I'm just learning from you to rake up the past and bring as the current example.
Well, you did it twice in the past two months.
Want to list more?

Dont bother caring for me now when i'm in poly, because it wont show how good you are as a mother.
You, are the one who encourage and wants me to go ITE when i can make it to poly.
You, are the one who kept cursing me and asking why am i still in Express and not NA.
You, are the one who cut my allowance and make me work to spend every fucking cent. Oh and, without letting my dad knows what you are doing.

Let's do some recap alright, love?
When i was 11, i casually asked my neighbour that is a year younger than me.
'have you imagined how it feels like to jump off the building from our level (11)? I think it feels fun, maybe i'ld try one day.'
the next day, i got a fking scolding and beating for that question.
Have you not thought of why did i feel like jumping? For fun? Please. I know the ending.
I was never happy in this family, except that one day we went to the Singtel Fair as a family, oh and without my brother.
That was the only day i was happy, the only memory i have. Only positive memory.

When i was 12, i pierced staplers onto my finger tips and enjoy the thrill of it.
When i was 14, i start cutting myself. Not slit, but cut. It's just like scratches that leaves a little swollen line. I started to eat panadols because i'm bored.
When i was 15, i started to drink cough mixture and go damn high crazy.
When i was 16, i started slitting myself. I even attempted to collect a bottle of blood. I had a collection of penknives. My cough mixture dosage went even higher, so did my wide variety of pills.
I started drinking hard liqour and drunk. Fucking drunk, hahahaha!

I did all these not for the sake of fun, because i feel hurt and i can't voice.
I got no stand, no voice. I'm like a mistake in their life, like a burden.

There was once when my dad came in and wake me up, he saw the cuts on my wrist and asked if my mum did that to me. Why would he think that way, you think about it.
There's nothing much for me to say.

My temper is bad, but hers is worse.
I know the difference between right and wrong, perhaps she dont.

We dont talk about the past, we talk about the present.

You know what, forget it.
I'm back to cutting, drinking and overdosing.
Whatever.
Fuck it.

Caitlin

Bestfriend's Away till End of Dec

Time is a really scary thing when you grow up.

Once you hit sweet 16, legal 18 and royal 21..the time just fly faster and faster.
Too fast for you to stop and take a breath.

Just came back from sending my best friend to the airport, suddenly the thoughts came rushing to me.
12 years of friendship, i never realised how much she actually mean to me until today.
She'll be away for four months, i guess i'ld miss her very much.
Just like what people say, you'll never know what you have until you lose it.
I'm glad i'm not losing our friendship but just putting it on long distance.
She is someone who understands me on the back of her hands, and she's the only one that would scold me and i would listen.
We've been through thick and thin together, even went overseas together.
We ran to school while eating our shark fin soup from pasar malam,
We chew gummy bears' head off while complaining about people who pissed us off,
We got through quizzes, tests, exams and graduations together.

Looking back, it's as though we have just completed Primary school.
In 6 months' time, we would be graduating from our respective polytechnics.
Maybe we'll make it to Uni together and work force together too, just maybe.

Hope everything goes smoothly for her in Korea, stay warm and stay safe my dear. <3

Caitlin

Dressing Up

Ever though of why people dress up?
Main reason : To attract

My thought would be, if you dress up to impress and/or attract, then you should really dress up and look nice.
So, if i dont want to impress, i dont dress up.
Honest speaking, if you are going opposite your house to get a drink, why would i want to dress up?
Shorts, t-shirt and tied up hair.. indecent meh? If it's not indecent, then i dont see the point of changing or dressing up.
You may call it lazy, but seriously.. who's going to see you?
I may feel very conscious, but i dont really care.

Alright, we head down to a common topic. School and Work.
Dress up nicely and put on make up, who are you meeting that day? Your future one? Your potential fling? Or are you going to make new clubbing friends? Haha. Even if you're in Poly, you'll still be meeting the same people from your class, your course, your school. The only people you'll pass by for the first or maybe only time is people you see on the way to the bus stop, on the bus, and when you're walking to the school/work.
Why would people take notice of you? Unless you are flaunting off your skin.

People reading these might think, just because you are fat and there's nothing to see, doesn't mean everyone would think that way. Then let me tell you, i'm not the only one who thinks this way.
I have friends who are skinny, quite average looking, they are the ones who dont even give a damn of how they look and off they leave the house.

Why do so many people criticize others for their clothing? It's not as if i'm wearing a tank top and a skimpy shorts and revealing my fats everywhere. That's, something for you to criticize.

I do dress up once in a while, when needed to or i think it would seem more appropriate to. Like attending a meeting with people with titles, attending school on the first day and meeting your new classmates, attending dinners with friends' families and stuff. The rest like an ordinary school day, an ordinary work day, going to the nearby mall to shop for some things..why do you even need to get worked up over what you are wearing?

If one day you hear me complaining, i dont know what to wear tomorrow! Someone who knows me would start to give suggestions like, wear that white top you like with the black jeans and a coat or something. A friend would just ask a question, 'tomorrow got what sia? Just wear anything la.' Ahh, that's a friend. Hahaha. This is the time to 'bimbo' and annoy them. Oh, i need to paint my nails and go prepare what to wear tomorrow!

To be honest, i seldom worry about what i have to wear the next day until morning. Unless it's close to the days i have to wash my clothes and my school/work clothings are running low, only then i would take out a few clothing and leave it hanging at the window. Why fret over something that was created to just cover up your body?

Just my opinion, nobody has to get worked up over this post. And reminder to those who are still holding on to my clothes, please return them if not i'll go to your place and steal one back!

Caitlin

Should i or not?

Had erhu lesson early in the morning ysd after dk how many donkey months..
Played quite crappy with breaks here and there at a rather low speed.
Demoralised is no longer a feeling I feel but i'm sorta used to it.

When my teacher left to prepare for her work, I practiced alone.
I started to go through the whole song slowly, making sure I got every notes correct without looking at the scores.
then I went at full speed and see how my fingers run fast and smooth on the string..
This is totally different from what I was playing during lesson time.
Maybe I do have a talent in this.
I don't think I want to venture into music.
If such miracle happens every time I focus and practice, I might be able to make it big.
Do I want to carry on in music?
Would this be my interest and last me for years?
If I don't intend to carry on and go for grading, then would I stop playing?
If I carry on for grading, what would I do after I finish my Diploma?

These questions kept running through my mind..
I even dreamt of selling away everything.
I feel so disappointed in myself.
Giving up before I even started, but what do I start on?
Make it to the best orchestra?
I've been offered but I would never take it up.
It's too much pressure there, and I don't like and don't need.
I just want a fun-loving orchestra like how we used to be in BB before the bitch joined in.
If she didn't join in, I would still be there..
Even if i'm not the best there, I'ld still feel happy in the orchestra.

Maybe it's the years of being the top that makes me feel bored in orchestra.
don't say i'm bragging, i'm just a fast learner.

Maybe it would come to an end in future, maybe near future..

These questions continue to run.. if I teach, would my students be good players?
Or are the previous students I taught are naturally talented and smart, that's why they turned out good?

What should I do..

Determination is a strength and weakness.

Finally took a trip to Bukit Timah Shopping Centre to bring my poor baby home from the Lenovo Service Centre. I swear they shouldn't name the malls after the same name and put them so far apart.
Can't they learn from Beauty World? Situated side by side, so convenient.
I rushed over after work to collect before they close at 6.30pm and god knows i ended up at Bukit Timah Plaza!
Being the muddle-headed me, i ran around the mall wondering why does this part of the building look so modern.
Took me awhile to realise that i'm at the wrong building. Oh, before that i mistaken Beauty World Plaza as Bukit Timah Shopping Centre too! Damn.
Asked around for directions to the correct venue and the security guard told me that it's a 10-15 minutes walk away, and i was left with 12 minutes before they close.
I walked and puffed and sweated like my life depended on it, and the worse thing was that my gastric was being a total big bitch and it really hurt like mad.
Surprisingly, i reached at 6.28pm! I was only left 2 minutes to travel from the ground level to level 5.
So, i took the lift and reached just nice at 6.30pm sharp!

That's just my trip there.
My trip home was worse!

I remembered clearly that there's bus service 961 from that mall to woodlands, so i took a bus to detour to that bus stop. I walked to the nearest bus stop(since i was feeling very sick), took a look at the bus route and saw 'opp Bukit Timah Plaza'.
So once again, i mistaken Plaza as Shopping Centre. I ended up at Plaza again and there's no buses back to woodlands! So i decided to turn back to the initial bus stop and walk all the way to the bus stop that i remember VERY clearly that i alighted there before. The bus stop to turn back to my previous bus stop was so freaking far, i walked like 20 minutes to reach the bus stop. That was damn far.
Finally, i came back to where i started from. Just when i alighted the bus, it started drizzling. What luck man. So i walked another 10 minutes to the bus stop that i alighted previously. If A is the place where i took bus 961 to, which means i have to go the opp side and take the bus back to woodlands. I reached there to realise that there is on bus stop there! I decided to try my luck and continue walking down the road in search of the bus stop that i have been looking for. Finally, i found the bus stop...far away. By the time i reached the bus stop i was finding for, 45 minutes has passed. That was how long i took to find A bus stop.
Reached there and realise that the bus stop is just directly behind the back exit of Bukit Timah Shopping Centre. Wow, i felt so stupid! So i waited 20 minutes for the bus and no bus came! In the end, i still took another bus to Bukit Batok Station to take the train back to Woodlands.
Struggled so hard to reach back home, the feeling sucks man. Well, i just wanted to take the bus ride and rest for that while. In the end, i still failed to take the ride.

My close friend is going Korea to study from 30th Aug to 20th Dec, gonna miss her so much. So we decided to meet up in Korea right after she end her course. Gonna be fun, i hope. So, i'm gonna start working very hard during the upcoming holiday!

Just finished an interview today, maybe starting work on next Sunday! Pay's the same as my current job but their operating hours is longer. Which means more money each day!

Plan:
Seven days a week, 5/6 days a week at Subway from 8am to 10pm and 1/2 days a week at M1 from 11am-8pm.
I shall work half day on my birthday and celebrate with my family after that! Well, i got no choice right..since mum and i share the same birth date. A few nights in the first two weeks of Sept to club with dear Mere and i shall stop clubbing till next year! I'm gonna save money for the trip! yay! I think i'm insane! YAY!

Caitlin

Move On, Please.

It's good to see your ex moving on, with a new girlfriend.. three months after break up. Hahaha! At least I know that the game has officially ended.

But it's annoying to see your ex coming back to you.. hais. I have to stop being so softhearted. Let him be and he'll realise that I have no interest at all.

Before you fall in love, open your eyes and face the reality. Falling blindly would hurt nobody but yourself. I wonder why are there so many blinds. To be honest, before I start a game.. A person with both eyes opened would realise that I was just playing. I treat my friends better than the one i'm playing, why can't they tell.

Call me bitch, but I guess they deserved it.. but not the current one. When I found out, I was too late. He fell deep for it. I swear I didn't do anything. When I brought up the issue twice, he became on his toes whenever he's around me. Treating me like a princess. It just makes me feel guilty knowing that I would never develop feelings for him and we have no future. If one day, he goes crazy and decided to stalk all my online stuffs. He would read this. Then let me tell you here, i'm sorry.

I told you the truth, you didn't want to listen. What else can I do.

After 3 years, I've moved on. From my one and only ex. Things were like hell for my school life. But still, I thank him for the misery he caused. I grew up, a lot. I learnt to look at life in another light and realised how stupid I was to fall deeply for him. Looking back, I wonder.. was that love or game?

Whether it's love or game, it doesn't matter. The scars remain.. Drinking addiction is still there.
It's all my fault, I let it happen.

Don't ask me why do I always drink, club and do those nonsense stuff.. because I did to escape the reality.

Forget it.

Caitlin.

Baby in bed and blankie :D

Ashamed of myself

I feel ashamed to say that even my own friends are so bitchy.
One can be in a relationship for months, acting sweet and stuff..
but doing so many things behind their partner's back.

Enough of relationships with humans.

Went XH for prac last Sunday..
Each week seems to demoralise me even more than the previous.
What can I say? I'm poor so I can't afford to study in a music school?
I don't understand man. So what if you can afford, that doesn't give you the rights to show people your attitude since we are all guest players.
So missy, I have to lend you my scores and see your black face?
Whatever it is, it's none of my business.
Venture into music for all I care >:

It sucks when you know everyone's identity.
On my left is someone majoring in Erhu, on my right is someone majoring in Erhu, behind me is someone majoring in Erhu. Wow, so i'm what? I'm majoring in Management. Yay?
Worse still, it's my second time seeing the scores. My second time is like much worse than their first time.
Hey, that's totally demoralising kayy.
C'mon, if you give me all the C, D, F, G, A. I can sightread as well too!
Bflat, Eneutral, SERIOUS?
sucks man, and the songs are like insane speed.
Did I mention that the songs are concertos, which means it's like pages and pages, songs and songs.

Damn man, should not have agreed to guest play. T.T
But on the sake of my senior and those famous/popular musicians there.......
I SHALL PERSIST.

Sigh, not like I wanna venture into this line. Why am I doing this to myself..

Totally ashamed to say that I've only had 3-4 lessons this..YEAR.
Got it, this year. And my darling teacher is nagging me non-stop for lesson :/
C'mon, let's postpone grading till next year! HEHE.
Stuck for 3 years? hahahahahaha.
I seriously didn't mean to slack off~~~ but~~~
Haiya, lazy la lazy la.
Next year lo. Finish grading also no diff :/

Alright. On the bright side! I'm going Dream with Jack and other babes on Friday!
His last clubbing trip before he flying off to China for the Competition.
Pray hard he get something thr~~
This pro ass (y)

And and and! 35 more days till end of Internship! Ooooh! Happy or what! :D
Mere would be back from USA too! that woman is totally enjoying herself there man.
I'm totally jealous ):

Shall start practicing tonight, sighhh.. IF I'm not going out. :x

Loves,
Caitlin
(Back to my sleeping table *yawn*)

Have you ever thought of..

All the little things around you that would warm your heart for a second..

Like how the little boy took care of his younger brother, protecting him.
Then you think about the quarreling siblings around you and wonder why can't everyone be like them..
or maybe these boys would grow up quarreling too.

The little girl who kept pestering the father to carry her, to show her care.
Would she grow up loving her father as much as she does now?

The teenager who helped the elderly up the bus with the groceries.
Would she be as helpful as she is now in future?

Would these cute couple make it to the future together and get married?

The things that warm you up.. brings alot of questions that you would ask yourself.

Would i protect my sibling when things happen, would i bear with my aged parents?

To be honest, I yearn for love. I yearn for a good boyfriend, a good future husband.
I mean come on, who doesnt?

Maybe I'm too young for all these serious stuff.

The thoughts keep running through my mind..
If i accept this guy, would we last?
If i accept this guy, would i stop playing?

To be honest, i feel bad to play.
He was good to me, serious.

But I believe my future is more important.

Would I prefer a good living but loveless marriage or would i prefer an average living or even struggling life with the one i love.
Today, i dont know. Maybe one day i would know.

Was walking home from office today, crazy i know.
I suddenly thought about how bad i handle my emotions last time.
Feeling sad every single day.
Suddenly, i couldnt think of any thing that can make me sad.
But there's still things that make me disappointed at myself.

Loves,
Caitlin

When simplicity turns complicated.

Family dinner.

As simple as that, it turned out like shit.

End of the day?

Eating my packet food alone at the dining table while everyone has finished their dinner outside.

Wow, family dinner.

After so long, dad is finally back and this is wad i get?

fuck you man.

Telling me dad is leaving again tmr, and turns out he's not.

 Do i always have to ask to find out things?

So if i didnt confirm if you guys are going out for dinner or not,
i would reach thr alone drenched by the rain and hoping you guys came for dinner?

wtf. if this is how a family thing do, then i rather you fking leave me alone with these shit.

In the end, everything is still my fault.

My fault for working, my fault for eating dinner alone, my fault for not being a dick?

lmao. shower all your love and concern on that dick then.

If you dont wan a daughter in the first place, then abort me.

I didnt force you with a knife in your womb to give birth to me.

When pain occurs, scars appear.

Just thinking..

I thought life was beautiful until it took a turn.

Skipped work due to horrible sore eyes and performance tomorrow.

Loves,
Caitlin

Rainy Day

Don't you like the rain as it pours over you, making you wanna stay in the cold rain and chill..
as you walk in the rain, your vision goes blur.. the tiny hair on your arms stand in protest.
You want nothing but to stay in the rain..
Even if you wanna stay in bed, the next best place to be is in the rain..

Yes, rain heavier please and I shall cycle home in the cooling rain.

With the questions running through the mind constantly.. I can nvr have a good night rest again.
No matter how tired I am, my body refuses to sleep until nearly 3am.

This is wad i'm going through.
Silence is the worse treatment.
I rather voice out everything and make things go away, instead of sitting here and hoping that the feelings and issues go away.

Because 'I don't wan a boyfriend' is an invalid reason to you, doesn't make it an invalid reason to myself.
Suck it up and move on.
If I have interest in you, then we would have met up far more times than this.
You are the one who doesn't get the sub-hint.

It's your constant texting in every way you can reach me, that's irritating me.
Serious? Wechat, Whatsapp, sms, facebook..
You think I would have interest in responding to your msg-es?
You're wrong, very wrong.
I don't like such attention.

Bitch or wadeva, suit yourself.
I don't need you to define me.

Responding to lesser messages now, because I just don't wanna touch the phone.
Every message that comes in, interrupts my thoughts and my music player.

Rain, please get heavier.

Loves,
Caitlin

I'm done trying.

 #nowplaying - The one that got away

Well, i tried.
I have no one to blame but myself.

Lesson learnt.
How am i to move on, i guess i went overboard.
Maybe too sensitive, maybe too insensitive.

Surrounded by guys who like you, so wad?
Wad they bring is just companion.. which i dont need.
i'm fine alone.
They just dont understand why i'm so cold to them..
By putting the misses and loves at the tip of their tongue doesnt make me fall for them.
Low chance man, low chance.
i dont care you're loaded, good looking or wad, it doesnt matter.
Ya ya, to people who are reading this and thinks "oh, wad a bitch she is".
you know wad? i dont care. hahaha.
wadeva how you judge. i follow my intuition.

To the people who i really care about..
i dont have to say much, they know i'm there for them.
that's wad friends are for.
but well, these friends are normally the asshole ones.
hahah!
but, that's wad make us stay together after so many years..
and especially those that has been with me through those drunken nights.
i know you guys are the best.
you've never left me alone and took care of me.
words cant describe how much i love them.

For people who i care but they dont, then that's it..
i'll stay away and let them be.
but i'm sure i wont be entirely there for them when they need someone.
because they left first.

I'm done with this world, i've seen through it, i've been through enough pain.
This is the end.
I'm done with the crying, cutting and drinking every fridays.
and I'll most probably gonna stop overdosing my cough mixture at work..

Loves,
Caitlin

Personality Test

http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html#
You guys should try this test! It's damn accurate!
At least for my friends' and I~

Here's my result :D
http://www.ipersonic.com/type/SD.html

If you don't believe, then it's your business ^^

These few days are like crap.
Took MC on Tuesday and I guess things didn't get any better.
The cough is still there.. and the syrup is making me VERY sleepy during work.

Gastric isn't getting better, but well~
I did take my meals!
mum said, it's because of the past few years.. that's why. .___.
Kay then, then there's nth I can do right~

Loves,
Caitlin

I miss how we used to be. Im sorry, it's all my fault.

Last Friday was crazy.
Had three cups of tequila neat and i'm ready to ko but i didnt..

Sat morning went mac for breakfast then went to report to work at 8am. hahah!
Totally hangover :/
After work jiu went Somerset with Ivan, Weikang and tsefang for dinner at Senki.
Didnt eat much although i didnt had much of my lunch.
Dropped by Starbucks with Ivan, tsefang and roy for a coffee before going home..
and i cabbed home, felt like ko-ing any second.
and i believe i looked like shit. hahaha.
went home ko, and woke up in the morning for work at funan again.

After work on sunday, i went dhoby to meet shah :D
*evil planners* hehe!

Nothing much to say.
But im feeling body temp high and i'm coughing like nobody's business :/

Loves,
Caitlin

Heartaching

I believe that if I can't get over it, then face it.

After hearing him explain, it feels like it's all my fault.
I wished that night didn't happen and it was just one of the bad dreams I had.

There's nothing more than drinking that I feel like doing now.
Totally need something strong to chill me down.
Must stop relying on drinking, smoking and cutting to cool myself down.
My life's ruined by them.

Now, all I can do is to look forward to every Fridays.

I've got nothing much to rant.
I got no mood to rant either.
I just feel.. idk. I just feel like staying in bed all day and do nothing.
Sigh.

Plan for tomorrow.
Cycle home(6.30pm) - bathe/prepare(8pm) - dinner(10pm) - chalet(10.45am) - work at 8am(6.45am) - Senki buffet with clubbing peeps(6pm) - home sweet home <3

Ohhh, so packed! So tiring! hahahahahaha.
wad to say?! I LIKE!

Loves,
Caitlin

People at work

It's really irritating to work with people who has never worked before, and those who have worked but no experience.
How do they even work but gain no experience?!

It's getting more and more irritating to work with him.
Turn off my party mood and wadeva mood and turn on the serious mood.
He's a major turn off but i'm not gonna let him affect me.
I'm gonna do everything from the start whether he has done it or not.
Since he doesn't update me of wad he has done, then so be it. I'll treat it as though you've done nothing.
You forced me into this.
I don't care your result is better than mine or wadsoever, i'm done with your nonsense and bullshit.

Hearing how people complain about their internship is stupid please.
If there's something you can do, but yet you complain that you're bored and lazy and you have nothing to do..
you should fuck yourself.
I wish I have all the datas for my report then I can get busy with them, but I don't.
You have everything you need, just your focus and you refuse and whine.
What bullshit logic is this.
Irritating max.

Craving for pizza and fish badly T.T

Loves,
Caitlin

Substitute

Why have I never thought about it before?
Hahahaha, why did it never cross my mind before?
Before letting myself down, why did i not use my brain.

Last night at Dream was an eye-opening experience.
Drank too hard, got abit drunk.
Danced for less than two hours and we're already out.
While we were dancing, Mere told me an answer I've been waiting so long..
and i guess the answer did affect me in a way or another.
we continued to dance and i started not to give a fuck around me.
due to some unknown reasons, we two separated from the guys and dance.
after awhile, they came back and one of them came hugging me for idk wad reason. lol.
cabbed over to simei and ton thr till morning.
his mother and grandma were so sweet. haha.


Nothing much i wanna post.. but i guess, i still wanna vent.

Been feeling crap today, inside and outside.
the hangover was quite okay, tolerable.
kept thinking of the same issue over and over again.
having gastric the whole day.
well, blame me for that. I skipped meals.
yada-yada.
eyes like sored, guess i need some sleep.

Starting work at M1 tomorrow, so far!
Funan sia! sian max.
Hope that guy is friendly and will chat with me, or i shall die T.T

Beauty Empire pay coming a week late, fml.
I need to remake my ezlink card ):
I..lost it at home.
Stupid but well..
This is the curse man.
One semester, one new card.
SIGH.
I've been so careful lo!
kay wadeva.

Loves,
Caitlin

Heartless

Wadeva you wanna call.

To be honest, i feel abit guilty when he calls you a slut and i didnt say anything because i think you deserves it.
Toying with people who are sincere bout you.
Judging ppl through their wealth and cars?
is that wad love is to you?
i dont care whether you are working as an artiste or not.
i dont give a shit.
all you wan is fame and wealth.
you just love the attention ppl shower you with.

I dont like to badmouth my sisters, but i totally think you deserves all the bad mouthings.
toying my friends, one after another.

i dont really mind that you removed me from your fb but do it thoroughly and not just with one of the your accounts.
so i've helped you by removing from the other accounts.
you're welcome :)

I hate people who makes my friends upset, and i swear i'll make things difficult for them..
but in this case, i'm siding the outsider.. because you've been really overboard.
you put words into ppl's mouth and defame them.

end of story. i dont care.

Loves,
Caitlin

Piercing deeply, hurtfully

 

Isnt this piggy cute?

but the penguin is cuter lo. but nette bought it, and i swear i wont get the same as her.

shall head back and get it after i get my pay :D

totally have a good idea of wad to do with it. 

Maybe you've changed, or maybe i think too much.

guess i did.

why am i so stupid, hais.

gastric calling again. 

shall hit the sack now.

Loves,

Caitlin

Suckish Day

Wad kind of ending for the month of April.

Just came back from lunch, alone. Cos i refuse to ask my partner if he wanna go for lunch too.
SO irritated at him.
Kao. his work like so many mistakes.
then ask him one simple thing also dont get respond.
Dulan.
Still act like one pain in the ass.
While i was away from my table, he even copy my research! Omg. Ass.

Cant get too angry now. too full liao.
but he seriously irritating lo!
to the extend that i'm going crazy.
INSANE.

Went to ask the senior staff if he's going for lunch but he say he's going on-site.
So, well.. lunch is fated to be alone.
but i'm fine with it, i dont care.

Eat at my own sweet pace, can digest better.
Chi bao jiu smoke then stroll and smoke.
Hahaha! best break.

Seriously, dont understand him man..
7 days of work alrdy and he's only punctual for once.
the rest, he's like late?!
I think the time i reach earlier, is enough to cover his late and still got more time to spare.
He usually reach like.. 8.45/8.50?
and i reach like, 8?
Irritating. .___.
We'll see when we start talking, cos idrgaf bout it.

ARGH. way to ruin my happy day.

Meeting netter after work at Nex today for dinner.
Word to describe: Sian.
Go so far just to meet for awhile.
If i got no train concession, i swear i wont go man!

Right. Off to toilet, smoke then back to work.

Loves,
Caitlin

The only thing that let the memories run like you're with me.

The song repeats on the playlist as the one and only song.

Everyday, I fight back the urge to call or text you.. because i know if you do, you would.

You still make me smile. Even though you are the main reason why i'm upset.

Been reading too much of quotes. haha.
Well, they are original..except the third~


Rex just fb-msged me.
He asked why I smoke.
Still say last time promise him that i wont smoke.
so instead, i asked him why he care..
i nvr knew that i still exist in his life..

That's life.. full of surprises.

Fingers crossed that I wont skip lunches this week.
Mood seriously bad these few days. Sigh.
and the wisdom tooth is hurting me like a biatch.
Must stop smoking soon.. but the work at internship is.. );

18 more weeks to leave internship..
Hard to wake up so early for work.
No reason to look forward to work.
It's just boring me with the modules i dislike the most.
Why am i not in designing or engineering.. ):
My life would have been better.. than doing fm. -.-
Designing.. ):
Designing.. ):
GAHHHH, WADEVA.
Off to slp T.T

Loves,
Caitlin

____ing you might be an understatement.

Work is seriously..fml.

Moving on~~ haha.
Given my horrible condition, i wanted to give last night a miss..
so i joked to my friend that if i get a free ride home, i'll go.
and i got it. .__.
oh well.. i went.
Guess it was too big group, we got separated.
and i..went with another group of guys i met there.
all nsmen.
the guy in red checkered was sweet, but the one that kept talking to me was the one in white.
we went to the dancefloor tgt and i failed miserably finding for my other friends. seriously, where did they go man!
while dancing, the checkered guy gave me a light stick so i wont get lose. haha.
cos before that when i lost my friends,
i was finding for them.. and they brought me out to find my friends.
after i gave up hope finding for them, since i saw two of them grinding each other..
i guess i know wad the others are up to alrdy. haha!

last night was the only night i smoked so little. cos my cigg nt with me! ):
but well, phuture/zouk is indeed a nice place to go~
however, zouk seemed to have alot of ang moh.. not really safe to go thr. went for awhile only.

Girls picture before going in!
Well, the guys were outside :p

Wasn't in the mood to club, but well.. i guess it was fun.
I swear that dress was damn short. .__.
and that mere was telling me, whr got whr got.

And after clubbing:

End of Story

Loves,
Caitlin