Same person with different mentality

Everyone changes..
some change for the better, some for the worse..
but i'm in no position to judge,
and neither would i..because this game isn't getting better.

Currently in the school library, waiting for class to start at 9 instead of 8.30.
Finally finished one report this morning, at 7.50am.
fail much right..
started around 11pm last night but couldn't start and something kept me from starting..
i guess i'm just too distracted.
chatted on the phone till 4am, then only i started to rush my work.
sighh, old habits die hard. D:

Suddenly miss those days, we would study on the phone without speaking any words..
those nights we play games while on the phone.
those carefree days, will never happen again.
Life moves on, we all grow old..
10 years down the road, who would still remember my existence?
hahas..
perhaps you, and maybe you..
whose friendship can last?
i do not know..
but one thing for sure,
these can't.

not that i dont wan, but i guess it's rather obvious..
it's nearly the same as being in the workforce. sighh.

Is it me or them?
our thoughts never seem to be on the same frequency, not anymore..
maybe too much working experience has made me stopped having fun..?
i dont know.
i dont understand myself a tiny bit..

how should life be? i wonder..

would this world be better off without me?
haha..
i thought i wont start thinking of these anymore..but apparently, i still am..

just realised in the morning that i lost my thumbdrive..
sighh, why always so blur !
checked with the counter, dont have ! D:
there goes my 2 years of work, my memories, my songs..
sighh, the photos..

shall print my report and leave the library now..
can't stand the girl on my right side. -.-
laughing silently to herself, like though her head is going to roll off..
creepy or what, but it's somewhat irritating..
damn, i'm totally sleep deprived now.

Another sneak to the other world from reality

Went FHM on friday night again, hehe !
but this time, we didn't stay for the whole night again..
we sneaked to Club Romeo, hehe !
Jiner's friend working thr.

After 2 jugs of beer and shot, we went club romeo.
Her friend treated us 'Submarine' and a jug of beer..
hahaha, totally the kick man ! hehe.

the whole night went total high and crazy !

Chatted with Ryan at FHM, that guy irritate me ttm and we played catching there. hahas !

Around 6.30am uh, they cabbed me home ):

reached home around 7+? collapsed on bed :x
hehe !

woke up around 12+++ for lesson at 1, hahah. best uhh.
couldn't focus on what i was playing..but still manageable~ :x
hehe !
seriously hangover sia !
then evening, went to meet Sulee and her friend for dinner at Northpoint.
went home around 9+pm..

sunday morning, which was yesterday..
we went City Harvest Church.. yeaaahh.
like a concert only, haha..
after service, went mac for lunch with Chaohan, Jing Kai(?) and Emily..

then we went Army Open House across the road~ hehe.
nothing much to do thr~
so we ended up sitting at the waterside doing nothing..
then emily waved at a boat..
those guys sailed over sia ! omg, shy !
then one of the guys threw two rubber army man over, haha..abit fail uh :p
but they nvr pass by us again ):
Kenny came around 6pm, then we went for dinner at Carls' Jr tgt jiu home sweet home~ hehe.

Damn tired..
supposed to meet Rex and Jiner at 12.30am to slack awhile.. but i fell asleep :x
soo..hehe.

Off to pack my bag for dorm again :x

Staying in Tampines

Yeah ! i'm staying in Temasek Green till next friday ! :D

Alright..
The bursary submission was a success.. The queue is like practically no queue..?
went counter 1 and we had problem in communication..
Blur face vs. Blur face, hahaha !
finally over jiu went for tutorial..


Friday, went Geylang and bugis with Felicia and YiXiong.
Before going geylang for the frog leg porridge.. we went bugis for pool.
but before pool, we went to buy drinks..
and we bought a bottle of Barcardi and a bottle of Blackcurrant 8.4%.
Mixed and drink, damn shiok !! :D

Saturday, went back school for Eco-Life trail.
went around tamp estates to collect newspapers, books and clothings.
quite tiring..
chiong all the way, shiok uh ~~
didn't carry much stuffs, cos the two guys in my team always take all.
but still sweat alot, omgggg~~
faster went home.. bathed and ko D:

Sunday, failed to wake up for lesson jiu SKIP :D
hehe.
then went for work and lalalala~~

Monday woke up quite early to pack my bag, but i took hours to finish packing :x
then cabbed over to school and check in, HEHEHE.
The apartments not bad ehh, hehe.
Attended school as usual, went back around 8 cos of some gathering..

Tuesday, school school school.. went opp for dinner after TNS class with Andrea..
Ran under the rain when we came back, hahaha !!
then reached home awhile jiu started baking cookies with Florentina, my flatmate.
Around 11+ pm started..
then awhile later.. the guys came over and see and watch videos here. LOL
and they left at 1am..

Wednesday, ended school quite early..
went home ! :DD took the dirty clothes with me along~ hehe.
came back around 7pm then went to buy the things to cook on thursday..

Thursday, ended school rather late.. then started to prepare for the evening..
finished around 7++pm then everyone from all apartments came out and share the food we cooked..
after finishing the food, we had sch dances, sch song, korean songs, english songs singing and dancing.. haha.
quite fun, hehe.
then went in to bathe..
went over Andrea's apt around 10pm to do project..
that girl used her pillow and whack me D:
so i grabbed it and hug it, hehe !
then she snatched it back while i was on the phone..
then i tickle her and grab it, then she accidentally knocked her head :xx
then karma hit me, i knocked on mine too before i left.
hahahah !!
went my apt, waited for  attendance check..
then went out around 11.30(?) for dinner with Rexgor opp sch de hawker.
ended up drinking two bottles of beer. D:
sey alrdy, cos didnt had much food and i didn't put ice. hahaha !
he sent me back to my apt, had a smoke with Andrea then he went back..
hehhe.
Andrea and i supposed to do projects but we ended up falling asleep.. yeah yeah..

Today, woke up late D:
late for quiz, but managed to reach and finish in time, HEHE.
attendance-wise, idk le :x

Going Army open house late, maybe can see Darren Teo. HAHA !
looking forward.
shall pack my bag, take a bathe and meet the girls le :x

Drinking at FHM tonight! :D
hehe ! <3

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

I'm a lazy bum, so dont bother carrying any hopes for me to upload any photos anymore. hehe !

Until today, i've still not decided what i wanna do with my life.
If i can choose, if reality allows..
i would choose to indulge in alcohol every night and go crazy.
Yeah, i dont like reality.

Well.. had enough of those friends nagging me bout going drinking and wadeva.
Yeah, quite irritating to be entertaining ppl's texts everyday.
*roll eye* whatever.
Worse still is when it's your own friend and you dont have the heart to reject. -.-
Yeah, my fault.
Seriously..

Next !

skipped school to visit the doctor again.. sian.
wanting to skip school is an issue, getting the medicine is another issue.
gotta recover before monday !
i dont wan my flatmates and roommate to get sick because of me.
I would feel verrrry guilty ! D:

but i'm looking forward to the two weeks stay ! hehe.
Cooking and cooking ! perhaps..the oven, muahaha !
COOKIES ! :D
hope nothing goes wrong :p

Gonna submit my bursary application forms later and probably come back to the lib and slack again till 4pm. -.-
Cos i'm going tutorial later, DESPITE having a mc. Seriously man..

ya ya ya, blame me.
i shouldn't skip school. -.-
but seriously.. studying is just not my thing.
sighhh..
two more years !

where would i go?
NAFA? NUS? work?

My aim still has not changed.
3 diplomas before 21! :D
hehehe.
2 music dip and 1 acad. dip.
okay boring.

Today is Cheese day but the girls can't make it.
but nonetheless,
Happy 20th Birthday to Daryl Y.! (:

I'm still looking forward to mine.. ):
gonna buy and drink legally! hmpff !

Listening to Chopsticks!
Damn nice, hehe.
but listening to other classical songs ! :p
It feels damn peaceful! :D
Classical Playlist

First official to pub

Skipped school on Friday to rest,
energy charged for Saturday.
hehe !
Work went well, quite fun !
in the warehouse, our mode of transport is not foot.
It's Chair !!
Cool not ! hehe.
Rolling chair, everyone roll around~ hehe.

After work jiu go Tamp for a quick dinner with Darren and Ian.
Forever stuck with the guys. .____.
But well, i did manage to finish my food.
oh ya, we went Carls J'.
They two ordered meal and i got my fries and drink.
Roar.
and we finished around the same time. .___.
tell me how to get proper food thr !
with that TINY burger, dahell.
dk how these humans eat so fast :x

went home to bathe then rushed out to meet Jen Siong.
Chatted for an hour plus before meeting friend and he went home to rest :x
like a guilty uh, he stayed around to accompany me to meet my friend :x

then we went over to orchard tower le.
two blur de, dk how to walk over.. oops!

went to have  quick dinner, like..proper dinner.
but i ate half only :x
then we went FHM and got beer.
jiner say she cold then she wan go smoke.
then she ask me to go smoking room with herrrrrrrr !!!
one person smoke still okay, then got 4/5 ppl came in and smoke.
omgggggg, buay tahan ! D:
then we join the other table of 3 guys then drink lo.
2+ got police came in and do check uh..
then i faster leave the building. :x
at the door, someone called my name.
turned around and saw andy.
woah~
took his number then met up with him around 4 again.

Jiner left with the guys then i went to join andy's group.
They went NaughtyGirl(above23) then we went V5 to drink.
they jitao spam me drinks sia. .___.
got crazy at V5, jiu tada~
5++ jiu go back FHM and wait for Eeling to end work.
then we headed home le. hehe !

Next day, late for work. hahaha !!

okay, sch time ):

Stubborn

Yea i am.

Went school yesterday although i know that i'm not feeling very well.
couldn't take it by the end of the day..and went to visit the family doctor.
he nagged me bout attending sch despite feeling unwell..
well, he always does >:
wad surprised me was the temp :x
when he asked if i'm having a fever, i told him i think so..
then he took the temp, he look shock :x
ya da, high fever lo.
38.8, haha.
i was expecting like 37.8 ~
wadeva, then he gave me the whole package of medicine.
jidan much.
yay, pills pills pills and more pills <3
._____.

Gonna go work tomorrow even though i'm still rather sick..
fever's not going down as i wished..
dizzy feeling still there..
but i dont care, everything's gonna go as planned.

Work from 8am to 5.30pm tomorrow.
I shall persevere (:
I can do it, hehe.

Gonna head down to Orchard Tower with Jiner tomorrow night,
she wan drink so i'm gonna accompany her since i can't drink much. ):

Work on Sunday at M1, hehe.
make myself tired till my body cannot take it..
isn't this what i wan?
yeahh, now it has declared war..
we shall continue and see who wins ^^

Wanted to go work today, cos two staffs SOS for staffs this morning..
but my body couldn't take it at all.
lied in bed till 3++pm before i could get up and bath.

This helpless feeling, totally fml.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Nights human.

Unintention happiness

Really bitch, i know.
Actually, it doesn't concern me at all..
hehe, but well.. i still like to see you in pain.
let you feel that pain, that ripping apart hell.
yeah baby.
savour the pain, drown your unhappiness in alcohol, indulge yourself in ciggs and pleasure your pain with the knife.
you taught me these..

actually, i believe he'ld get over it soon. so lame. -.-

alright, i dont mean any of the things above.

Wanted to sleep but can't..because the fkup gastric is killing me.
after torturing me for the entire day, it's still hurting me like a mofo.

chatted with jensiong just now, nvr realised that he's so cute. haha!!
he asked why i reply with '..' at the back, like i'm scared of him.
haha !! then we chatted bout his ns, his gpa, his future, his interviews and blah blah..
nice chat, hehe.
gonna meet him on sunday~ provided i'm actually still in this world instead of the other.

doubt i can fall aslp soon, but i'll try..

I guess some people do read my blog..
thinking that only my gf does.

Whatever.

Skipped school today after the first tutorial,
because i know that i can't focus..so no point trying to when i have to rush other things too.
Yeah, rush.
Perf on sat and i received my scores last night around 11++pm.
thinking that it was only one or two, i was wrong..
five pages of different songs..
and i have to rewrite the scores.
yay, awesome.

prac tonight, seriously..
yeah, the only day i can go for their prac.
if fail jiu too bad.
since i'm supposed to perform with another friend,
but his grandfather just passed away.
yeah, totally understand.
so i guess i'm just a backup plan hurh?

whatever i say right?
we ain't close anymore, so i guess i can't be bothered anymore.
i'm not gonna get close to people from there.

guess that one day incident is enough to hurt our friendship.
because nobody's trying..and i'm not gonna try much.
i'm done being the under18 there.

Neither am i going say anything, cos we'll just drift..

nothing to say.

Building up the wall

Totally hurt today.
Perhaps it's really all my fault.
I shouldn't have spoke a single word after that class..
i shouldn't have given a fuck to him at all.

To be honest, i wanted to calm down and speak to him nicely about the issue..
but anger boiled up and his fkup face really piss me off at the last chilled moment.
when i spoke my first line, i had a feeling that i'm going to cry soon.
when i spoke my second line, i know i can't hold back for long.
when i was about to say my third line, i blanked out.

First, he mentioned bout security at the white house.
then lindy commented that the president also dont stay there, guard also no use.
i didn't know bout that, so i asked her then whr the president stay..?
she proceeded to tell me that SR. Nathan stays around East Coast area..
his house has his own guard house.
so i asked her bout the guard house..
then he jitao say i noisy and ask me to keep quiet and whatever. -.-
Seriously..he told me off at least 3 times when we were having SUCH small talks.

Secondly, he carried on to tell me off bout me wasting my PARENT's money and attend school.
say wad, they paid him to teach us so i should just listen to his lesson..
c'mon, it's identical to what we learn in lecture.
and it's not as if i'm busy doing my stuffs and i'm not listening right.. -.-
AND, my school fee so far..are fully paid by me. and ONLY me.
so i dont see what's wrong with me wasting my money, if you insist that i'm actually wasting it.

I wanted to tell him that, even if he thinks that i didn't pay attention to his class and wadeva..
i did my notes, i copied his model answers, did his tutorial questions and listened to whatever he said. -.-
so he should stop disturbing me to shut up, cos it wont work and it will only result in sleeping in your class. -.-
seriously, totally dafuq.
but ya, i blanked out and i said that he's rude.
well, he's abit rude.
for judging and assuming.

if you've thought us for a couple weeks and you judge me like that, i would have just told you off straight in class..
but this is only your FIRST lesson with us and you assume my background.
I tried to keep cool, i'm serious..
if i didn't, i would have just told you in the middle of the class.
to be honest, i would..
but i chose to speak to you one to one after class..
but vincent insisted to distribute the money right after class, instead of during Apel tut.
he changed the amount that we're supposed to return everyone without telling me either..
seriously..if so, why make me settle it in the first place when it was in a big mess?
or is that what i'm good in?
clearing messes?

when i told that teacher the three lines..
Vincent started to make noise and shout at me for being rude.
Seriously, it doesn't even concern you..why voice anything?
i texted him and told him why i said that he's rude.
and i told him, my temper isn't as good as his and i absolutely wont tolerate such things.
the text i sent him wasn't rude, seriously..
but his reply came back very harsh.
his last line was smth like, i just said what i see so fuck off.

That totally tore me down. It wouldn't hurt that much if he didn't add the last line in.
I couldn't take it anymore..
i did try to stop the tears from falling..
i skipped lunch with my clique and went to the toilet to chill.

Went to the next lesson after i've cooled down..
the lesson passed fast and we headed to concourse..
to be honest, i believe he told the teacher alot of things..
i believe.
but whatever.
wad can you do? kick me out? maybe i would prefer that..

that's it man..
i'm going to build back the wall and keep quiet.
i dont give a fuck to class participation points anymore.
you can have that pathetic 5% of my result.
honestly, i'm starting to not give a fuck to school now.
not much fuck.

It's all my fault, always my fault.
Just my fault, insensitive, brainless, stupid, useless.
yeah.