Building up the wall

Totally hurt today.
Perhaps it's really all my fault.
I shouldn't have spoke a single word after that class..
i shouldn't have given a fuck to him at all.

To be honest, i wanted to calm down and speak to him nicely about the issue..
but anger boiled up and his fkup face really piss me off at the last chilled moment.
when i spoke my first line, i had a feeling that i'm going to cry soon.
when i spoke my second line, i know i can't hold back for long.
when i was about to say my third line, i blanked out.

First, he mentioned bout security at the white house.
then lindy commented that the president also dont stay there, guard also no use.
i didn't know bout that, so i asked her then whr the president stay..?
she proceeded to tell me that SR. Nathan stays around East Coast area..
his house has his own guard house.
so i asked her bout the guard house..
then he jitao say i noisy and ask me to keep quiet and whatever. -.-
Seriously..he told me off at least 3 times when we were having SUCH small talks.

Secondly, he carried on to tell me off bout me wasting my PARENT's money and attend school.
say wad, they paid him to teach us so i should just listen to his lesson..
c'mon, it's identical to what we learn in lecture.
and it's not as if i'm busy doing my stuffs and i'm not listening right.. -.-
AND, my school fee so far..are fully paid by me. and ONLY me.
so i dont see what's wrong with me wasting my money, if you insist that i'm actually wasting it.

I wanted to tell him that, even if he thinks that i didn't pay attention to his class and wadeva..
i did my notes, i copied his model answers, did his tutorial questions and listened to whatever he said. -.-
so he should stop disturbing me to shut up, cos it wont work and it will only result in sleeping in your class. -.-
seriously, totally dafuq.
but ya, i blanked out and i said that he's rude.
well, he's abit rude.
for judging and assuming.

if you've thought us for a couple weeks and you judge me like that, i would have just told you off straight in class..
but this is only your FIRST lesson with us and you assume my background.
I tried to keep cool, i'm serious..
if i didn't, i would have just told you in the middle of the class.
to be honest, i would..
but i chose to speak to you one to one after class..
but vincent insisted to distribute the money right after class, instead of during Apel tut.
he changed the amount that we're supposed to return everyone without telling me either..
seriously..if so, why make me settle it in the first place when it was in a big mess?
or is that what i'm good in?
clearing messes?

when i told that teacher the three lines..
Vincent started to make noise and shout at me for being rude.
Seriously, it doesn't even concern you..why voice anything?
i texted him and told him why i said that he's rude.
and i told him, my temper isn't as good as his and i absolutely wont tolerate such things.
the text i sent him wasn't rude, seriously..
but his reply came back very harsh.
his last line was smth like, i just said what i see so fuck off.

That totally tore me down. It wouldn't hurt that much if he didn't add the last line in.
I couldn't take it anymore..
i did try to stop the tears from falling..
i skipped lunch with my clique and went to the toilet to chill.

Went to the next lesson after i've cooled down..
the lesson passed fast and we headed to concourse..
to be honest, i believe he told the teacher alot of things..
i believe.
but whatever.
wad can you do? kick me out? maybe i would prefer that..

that's it man..
i'm going to build back the wall and keep quiet.
i dont give a fuck to class participation points anymore.
you can have that pathetic 5% of my result.
honestly, i'm starting to not give a fuck to school now.
not much fuck.

It's all my fault, always my fault.
Just my fault, insensitive, brainless, stupid, useless.
yeah.