Exactly 150th working day..
Work is getting better, but not to the expectations yet.
whenever something goes wrong, i feel very bad. Like it is all and always my fault.
I dont even know how to handle my colleagues, it wasnt as easy as my other jobs. Perhaps it's the age, experience or even gender.. or maybe i'm just lenient. I dont know, i dont know what I can do.
while i try and figure a way out, i am just a normal staff with extra complaints and stress to handle.. talk about stress man..
so many times i want to turn back to how i dealt with stress.. so many times i had the urge to hold on to the penknife.. so many times..
I've stopped smoking because I wanted a change in my life. I dont want to remember of the bad habits i had for the past few years. I want to handle things like adults do. Not to turn to cutting, smoking or drinking.
my perseverance is holding up, but for how long.. i have no idea. Im trying my best, my very best. The temptation of cutting is strong.. very strong.
perhaps im just too immature for all these. Maybe it wasnt for me, or maybe not the right time. Sometimes i just want to hide and cry all i wan. I want to behave like a child, i want to feel loved in a family. I want to be surrounded by friends and do silly things together.
Growing up is hard. Everytime i think of my friends studying and here i am, working.. i wonder why did i take this path.. would things have been different? Would i be in designing, hospitality, events... or would i be doing other things..
suddenly feel so lost. Lost of direction. Like im spending my days away, working hard and not smart. Like years of education gone to waste because this immature brain of mine is not growing as fast as i need it to be.
Im drowning.. in fear. Very demoralised.
Caitlin Soh
Friday 30 January 2015
Sunday 11 January 2015
New year post reports LATE
Stopped blogging since months ago.. suddenly had this feel to start blogging again, so here I am.
2014 is finally over, so many things happened in this year.
I completed my Diploma (not with flying colours) with great authentic friends, at least I know who I trusted correctly and who I did not.
Poly friends dont usually stop contacting after Poly, it's how you make things work and their mentality when they were friends with you.
I'm not one to put in effort for friends whom I doubt they would stay, but some made the effort. We dont usually meet up, but we do it once in a blue blue moon.
I stopped playing music, in all kinds of aspect. Trust me, E140 would be the only thing to summon me back to that world because I promised Jason. If not, nope. I believe the babies would just lie down there..
I helped an event run with the actual full timers from PICO, and it was a great success! It was fun and I made a whole group of awesome people. This group of awesome people actually involved my initial group of AWESOME people at the Changi night shift job, which we are still keep in touch. PICO staff still call me once in a while to help out in their events.
I got my first full time job and I am glad there was no interview because the C in my Career Communication dampen my spirit before I even had any interviews, not to mention any failed interviews.. Anyway, i got in and started full time on 1st Aug. Colleagues were not bad, needed a bit of mental adjustment to get used to the type of people I see and hang out with everyday. Not to mention, some little politics because they didn't like to see you at your current position or wadeva-not. I got used to it. Glad I managed to change department in mid-Oct. Not exactly heaven, but much much better than the previous. In terms of superior, environment and customer wise.. it's all much better. MUCH.
In 2015, I want to achieve things. Not in terms of career, but in terms of my personal life.
First of all, I want to start on my Degree. Planning to take my degree in UniSIM as a part time student, whether or not I can managed.. I will still give it a try.
Secondly, I want to last in my current company and not call it a quit for at least 3 years.
Third, I want to travel alone. Still thinking of where I should go.. Hk? Twn? A totally-ME time.
Yea, 3 things in 2015. Nothing much I can think of anyway..
Pretty pessi recently, no idea why either. Probably quite bad luck these days.. and I'm down with a horrible sore throat and a nerve-wrecking toothache.
Till then
Caitlin
2014 is finally over, so many things happened in this year.
I completed my Diploma (not with flying colours) with great authentic friends, at least I know who I trusted correctly and who I did not.
Poly friends dont usually stop contacting after Poly, it's how you make things work and their mentality when they were friends with you.
I'm not one to put in effort for friends whom I doubt they would stay, but some made the effort. We dont usually meet up, but we do it once in a blue blue moon.
I stopped playing music, in all kinds of aspect. Trust me, E140 would be the only thing to summon me back to that world because I promised Jason. If not, nope. I believe the babies would just lie down there..
I helped an event run with the actual full timers from PICO, and it was a great success! It was fun and I made a whole group of awesome people. This group of awesome people actually involved my initial group of AWESOME people at the Changi night shift job, which we are still keep in touch. PICO staff still call me once in a while to help out in their events.
I got my first full time job and I am glad there was no interview because the C in my Career Communication dampen my spirit before I even had any interviews, not to mention any failed interviews.. Anyway, i got in and started full time on 1st Aug. Colleagues were not bad, needed a bit of mental adjustment to get used to the type of people I see and hang out with everyday. Not to mention, some little politics because they didn't like to see you at your current position or wadeva-not. I got used to it. Glad I managed to change department in mid-Oct. Not exactly heaven, but much much better than the previous. In terms of superior, environment and customer wise.. it's all much better. MUCH.
In 2015, I want to achieve things. Not in terms of career, but in terms of my personal life.
First of all, I want to start on my Degree. Planning to take my degree in UniSIM as a part time student, whether or not I can managed.. I will still give it a try.
Secondly, I want to last in my current company and not call it a quit for at least 3 years.
Third, I want to travel alone. Still thinking of where I should go.. Hk? Twn? A totally-ME time.
Yea, 3 things in 2015. Nothing much I can think of anyway..
Pretty pessi recently, no idea why either. Probably quite bad luck these days.. and I'm down with a horrible sore throat and a nerve-wrecking toothache.
Till then
Caitlin
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