Should i or not?

Had erhu lesson early in the morning ysd after dk how many donkey months..
Played quite crappy with breaks here and there at a rather low speed.
Demoralised is no longer a feeling I feel but i'm sorta used to it.

When my teacher left to prepare for her work, I practiced alone.
I started to go through the whole song slowly, making sure I got every notes correct without looking at the scores.
then I went at full speed and see how my fingers run fast and smooth on the string..
This is totally different from what I was playing during lesson time.
Maybe I do have a talent in this.
I don't think I want to venture into music.
If such miracle happens every time I focus and practice, I might be able to make it big.
Do I want to carry on in music?
Would this be my interest and last me for years?
If I don't intend to carry on and go for grading, then would I stop playing?
If I carry on for grading, what would I do after I finish my Diploma?

These questions kept running through my mind..
I even dreamt of selling away everything.
I feel so disappointed in myself.
Giving up before I even started, but what do I start on?
Make it to the best orchestra?
I've been offered but I would never take it up.
It's too much pressure there, and I don't like and don't need.
I just want a fun-loving orchestra like how we used to be in BB before the bitch joined in.
If she didn't join in, I would still be there..
Even if i'm not the best there, I'ld still feel happy in the orchestra.

Maybe it's the years of being the top that makes me feel bored in orchestra.
don't say i'm bragging, i'm just a fast learner.

Maybe it would come to an end in future, maybe near future..

These questions continue to run.. if I teach, would my students be good players?
Or are the previous students I taught are naturally talented and smart, that's why they turned out good?

What should I do..