Helplessness

These few days have been relying too much on this friend..

even if he doesn't say anything, i still feel bad for disturbing like that..
no matter how happy i seem, there is still this bit of guilty feeling.

told him everything that bothering me, because i know that he can be trusted..

maybe i should kick away this habit and start to rely on myself..
shall do that for the next three papers..

i dont like this feeling..that i feel myself so useless, helpless..
that i need someone to be there for me all the time.
I dont like to rely on people, i'm afraid that once this person suddenly leave.. i'll be stranded in the middle of nowhere.

i hate myself for tearing every night because i do not know what to do.
feeling like a lost child, abandoned in the middle of the road..
unable to decide whether to move on or go back.
this decision seems easy to decide but hard to convince.

I'm tired of making myself tired to fall asleep, neither do i want to rely on the medicines given by the doctor..
why can't i turn in early like how i used to do?

Now's alrdy 3.30am and i'm still awake..
worse still, i gotta prepare for music lesson by 2.30pm.
guess she's gonna nag me again..
sighh..

Some fund-raising concert in school on 17 March, dont even feel like going..
it's like..err.. boring?
and the tix costs like 8 bucks, so expensive..
doubt many will turn up.
and none of my friends are coming, awesome!
which means i'm gonna slack on the stage and not give a damn bout my image.
ultimate-win.

SL texted and ask if we wan any sectional perf or solo..
sectional performance, also no song for you to choose and no time for everyone to prepare..
solo? forget it. i doubt my skills now. and i've not convinced either of my babies to play good music yet.
My music future seems so dark now..sighh.
still deciding what to do with this road..

should i?

Till then,
DS.