Family

I never really experienced the feeling of this.

Unless anybody want to enlighten me..

I've decided not to do anything about it.
I will not cry, i will not cut.
The scars will remind me of them..

i will not think of them, i will not hurt myself because of them.
i have little good memories with them.
yes, i have a good life and i'm too greedy.
say whatever you like, because i'm not brought up.
I'm an ill-mannered kid.

She was right, i'm a horrible child.
She should take a knife and kill me straight.

Maybe, i should just jump off and kill myself.

I want to move out, into the cruel reality where everything that goes wrong will be my fault.
she doesn't want me to contact her or let her know any news of mine..
i shouldn't.
These few years, i will live like a dog.. one that will only nod.

will that please you?

i'm tired of life.

over these 17 years..starting from where i can remember, i'm always behind..
no matter how well i do, i'm always the second choice.
Second choice of everything.


i'm tired of cutting myself, i'll just let myself numb till i die.