Tell me the answer

Keep thinking about everything that's going on in my life..
is it worth to do this, is it worth to do that?
are these friends real?
do those promises exist?

why are the tears flowing?

i'm still the same old me.
still unable to settle down my emotions,
still unable to voice my feeling..
why do you have to tell me?
why can't i live in denial?

i hate myself.

i torture myself,
to make me not think of anything else..
that's why i sleep late..
because if i dont do something to distract myself till i'm tired,
i know i can't fall asleep..
honestly, nobody knows me very well now..
or perhaps, my mask is just too real.. hahas.

whenever i tell people that i'm going to sleep, and the time is rather early..
90% of them are fake, and i end up thinking nonsense till i really fall asleep..hours later.
if not, i'll be doing things i dont wish to do..or crying.

dont ever doubt me.
if i care about you, i lie for your own good..
because i dont want people to be worried.
i dont want them to be upset or whatever..the only emotion i want to see is happiness.

today passed quite fast..
i'm mostly half-conscious..
even now.
to be honest, i dont really know what i'm talking about..
the whole day, my mind seems to be in drunken state.
i didn't drink, serious!
dont even a sip.
maybe just too tired ba..
i can't stand at the same place for long, my vision will start to sway..
haha, the feeling quite cool uh..
haha. it's cool.

had dinner at Jcube with Zitong, Veron and Ian.
while waiting for the food, i took out my punchcard and counted the hours i've worked since 19 Apr..
194.5 hours, cool?!
tomorrow, or rather today..is the last day of work included in my payslip.
then it would be over 200.
cool?
haha..

tbc.