Nobody understands, not even me.

Actually, i dont like to talk alot..
i dont like crowded places.

I like peace.
I like to sit down and enjoy the breeze while the stars continue to shine and the trees gently sway.
I like to be alone, if i'm not..then i'ld like the comfortable silence.

If you think i'm someone who likes to party alot, then you're wrong..
i dont like loud music, i dont like to drink, i dont like to be surrounded by people.
i listen to loud music to isolate myself in my own world.
i drink till drunk to let myself feel numb instead of cutting myself.
i feel very uncomfortable with many people around me.

When i'm out, that is the time where i have to wear my mask.
I'm a happy girl who is always crazy.
yeah, i talk alot !
i have no worries,
i have a happy life.
my said worries and sadness are redundant.
once i dont talk, i must be either sad or sick.
yeahh, that's what they say.

but sometimes, i just dont feel like talking..
i'm just busy thinking.
and to be honest, when i'm out..
i'm not allowed to keep quiet and think.
they would think that i'm pissed or whatever.
yeah, that makes me pissed.
seriously..

Tell me what to do when i'm behaving like a split personality human.
I like to see the people around me laughing, chatting and smiling..
but i dont feel like doing any of those.
and i know that i will never smile again.
then what's the point.

I shun people out, because i'm afraid of getting hurt over and over again..
when i get too close to someone, i will suddenly leave.
because that person will have a higher chance of hurting me.

i have to be independent, i will be independent.
even if i fall, i'll pick myself up and carry on.

sometimes, i have no idea why i torture myself this way..