Fuck my life.

You think i dont wanna move out of this place?
i seldom feel my existence here, do you know that?

With the money you give me as allowance.. yeah, that's my care and concern from my parents.
you think it's all i need?
i dont even get a listening ear.

How was i brought up? in my own point of view..
independence with restricted freedom.

I've never once complained or whined about how poor we are or how unstable  our income is..
because all these nvr mattered to me before, not even now.
I just wan all of us to be together as a family.
the only time we get to have a meal as a family is during Reunion dinner.. and now?
people leave straight after they finish their meal..
nobody sits at the table and have a long chat anymore..
this isn't the family i wanna see and wad i wanna have.

You say i'm rebellious, but have you ever thought why the mature little girl from young changed till wad she is today?
were you there when she was in her lowest point of life?
do you know what she've been through?
do you know the reasons for some of her actions?

no, you dont.
you dont know any of them..

do you know the days i hide in my room and cry?
cutting myself and drinking bottles of cough mixtures?
no mum, you dont.

in fact, you dont know wad kind of person i am on the inside.
what you see if just the rebellious self.

during exam period, wad do you see?
you see me going out everyday till late night..
wad was i doing? slacking, playing and fooling around.
no ! i was studying, i was mugging at elsewhere..
do you know how hard i studied?
you dont !
O levels wasn't considered very easy, and you dont know anything.
all you know is me, going out and playing !

everytime i make you angry, you'ld ask me to move out, ask me to jump down.
wad else?
you think all these never cross my mind before?
you made them cross my mind over and over and over again..
you think i've never considered jumping down the building?
you think i've never thought about ending my life?

i know i'm useless, in alot of areas.
i'm not a good girl, i'm not filial..
i'm stubborn, i'm rebellious..
and i'm everything that you dont wan in a child.
but still, i had faith in you..
and in your eyes, i'm nothing but a failure.

exam has no more purpose..
future has no more purpose..

my life is redundant.
i know, i know i'm redundant..

i must have been an mistake.

the fault is always me..