Speechless

Feeling hurt, but have no idea why..
Feeling confused, but have no reason to..

Felt calm after talking to you over nothings..

Maybe this is habit, this is pity.
I have to get over myself.

I have no rights to love.
I have no rights to care, to know or to ask..
It is not something that concerns me, not even in the beginning..
So, why am i still thinking bout it?

I want to drink, i want to get drunk.
Not because i'm addicted with alcohol,
but addicted with the unconscious reality..
When you feel cared and being taken care of.

The need for someone's care and concern,
is something i've always been lack of.
The feeling i seek in friends.
Just a little comfort would do.

Sometimes, even a stranger can make me feel better.
Just an ' Are you okay? What's wrong? ' would
make me feel a little better..

The feeling of being left alone in a crowded place,
is haunting me.
the idea of being alone while seeing your friends smiling happily
around you, is heart-warming..
Even though you're not one of them.

Having people around you to be happy is the main motive of living on,
even if it means to bring unhappiness to yourself.

I hate bring too free.
I have to keep myself busy.
The only logical reason and way to keep me distracted from this world.

Sometimes, i rant to vend the feelings in me.
Some unknown feelings,
or probably feelings that i dont wish to have..