Reason for my addiction, You

As most of my close friends know.. i drink, quite oftenly.
but how many of them know why..

Who started me?
Who taught me?
Why did i drink?

Why judge me?

The first time i had alcohol was when i'm 15..
Christmas in 2009.
I had dinner with someone and he taught me how to drink tequila mixed with 7-up.
It was an enjoyable night and i didn't wan to upset his family..so i had my first two shot.
very homely feeling..
something i dont feel at home.

We drank again during countdown..
and yeahh.
after we broke up, i couldnt get my hands on alcohol..
so i drank cough mixture..
soon they became an addiction.
I got drunk when i turned 16.
the first time i drank with other guys and got drunk..
heartwarming to know you care, but well..
it's all an act.
I drank because i realised, i could smile like i've never smiled before..
i can be the happy girl i used to be, before i fell for you..

now, i enjoy drinking.. because this is the only way for me to feel myself without cutting myself..
those scars aint a pretty sight and i dont get the highness anymore..
hahahahha.

one day, when things go wrong..
i got nobody but myself to blame.

I will live on :)